The Gods Read The Lightning Thief
by mdaws
Summary: Percy and Friends are sent to the past to read Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. Are air disasters more spectacular than see disasters? Will Percy survive having his thoughts read by everyone? No Spoilers. rated T just in case
1. Introduction

**This is my version of what happens when the gods read Percy Jackson and The Olympians. The heros are from after The Last Olympian ,but before Percy is kidnapped er, taken er, well you know what I mean. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OR THE STORY**

Olympus (Present Day)

"Hey Apollo do you want to help me with the most awesomest prank of all time?" Hermes asks.

Apollo grins evilly, "What do you have in mind?"

Camp-Halfblood (Present Day)

Percy, Annabeth, Thalia, Nico, Travis, Connor, Grover, Katie, Rachel, and Clarisse are all hanging out at the lake during free time. Annabeth is trying to get Percy to read. Thalia is relaxing since Artemis gave her a few weeks of at Apollos assistance. Nico, Travis, and Connor are thinking of pranks to pull on the Demeter cabin. Katie and Rachel are talking about immature boys, and Clarisse is polishing her spear. When suddenly there is a flash of golden light and everyone disappears.

Olympus (Winter Solace when Percy is two years old)

"Sea disasters are ten times cooler than air disasters"

"They are not. I'm the king of the gods, so what I say goes. Besides, you can't name one sea disaster that those silly mortals remember." Zeus replied

"Yes I can."

"No you cant."

"Yes I can!"

"No you cant!"

"YES I CAN!"

"NO YOU CAN'T!"

"Then name one. I dare you."

"The Titanic."

"..."

Suddenly there is a flash of golden light and ten teenagers appear. Everyone is groaning except Percy, who is laughing, and Annabeth, who landed on him. All the gods freeze at the sight of the unexpected visitors, who are rubbing the sore places. Percy notices their surroundings and gets the others attention and says

"Hey everybody. Whats up?"

"WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DARE YOU GREET US IN SUCH A CASUAL MANNER?" Zeus boomed.

You know who we are and because we just sav- Hey what was that for?" was Percy's reply.

"What is that?" demanded Zeus.

"A-A package?"

"What is in the package?" Athena asked like she was talking to a two year old.

"It is a bunch of books and a letter."

"Read it aloud then." Hera demanded.

"_Dear Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Demeter, Apollo, Aphrodite, Ares, Athena, Hephaestus, Artemis, Hermes, Dionysus, Hades, Hestia, Percy, Annabeth, Thalia, Nico, Travis, Connor, Grover, Katie, Rachel, and Clarisse,_

_ We have sent these 10 teenagers to the past because we are bored. Please do not kill, maim, or harm the in anyway. They will fully introduce themselves before you begin reading They are also not to give any hints as to what happens because that will ruin the story. _

_ From the future,_

_ Apollo and Hermes"_

"..."

"You may start the introductions now."

"Clarisse La Rue, daughter of Ares, drakon-slayor."

"Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Oracle of Delphi."

"Yay my oracle got a new body, my oracle got a new body, my oracle got a ne-"

"Shut up Apollo," Artemis growls.

"Katie Gardener, daughter of Demeter"

"Grover Underwood, Lord of the Wild."

"Travis," Travis began

"and Connor,"

"Stoll, sons of Hermes and master pranksters, at your service. They finished together.

"Nico Di Angelo, son of Hades and Ghost King."

"HADES YOU BROKE THE OATH" Zeus roared.

"My Lord I was born before the oath was made."

"... Continue."

Thalia Grace, daughter of Zeus and Lieutenant of Artemis"

**(all at the same time)**

Zeus: "What?...but...how?...who"...Thank me"

Artemis: "What happened to Zoe?"

Hades/Poseidon: "Wonderful" **(note the sarcasm)**

Demeter: "She needs to eat more cereal."

Aphrodite: "Stupid hunters"

Ares: "Zeus's kid huh"

Hera: "Not her again"

"Hush let the girl speak," Athena said.

"All will be explained in time." Thalia responded.

"At least tell me who did it," Zeus begged

"Him," she said and pointed to the boy with messy dark hair and green eyes.

"Thank you"

"Your welcome... sir" the boy responded.

"Continue with the introductions."

"Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena and official Architect of Olympus."

"..."

"You too boy" Zeus said

"Percy Jackson,"

Poseidon gasps quietly _But he is only two_

"son of you will find out later"

the Olympians and Hades stare at him

"and Savior of Olympus"

"Savior of Olympus" the Olympians and Hades repeat

"Among other things" was the reply.

"..."

"What are the name of the books?" Annabeth asked

"Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Titans Curse, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Battle of the Labyrinth, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Last Olympian," Percy read, "and they are in my point of view."

The Stolls and Nico chuckled." Now we get to know what you think about everybody and everything."

"Wonderful," Percy groaned.

"Might as well get started. Who will read first?" Poseidon

**Review if you want. I will update as soon as I can.**


	2. The Story Begins

**This is where the story begins. The letters in bold mean it comes from Percy Jackson and the Olympians the Lightning Thief or an (Authors Note). **Non-Bold Letters** mean the characters are commenting.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OR THE STORY. **

"I think Percy should read first," Annabeth stated.

"But I don't want to," Percy wined

"You are going to."

"How do you know?"

She whispers something in his ear.

"Annabeth is right I would love to read."

Zeus snapped his fingers and two couches appeared. Percy, Annabeth, Nico Thalia, and Grover sat on one couch. Everyone else sat on the other.

Thalia whispers in Annabeth's ear "What did you tell him?"

"The world may never know." came the whispered reply.

**"I Accidentally Vaporize my Pre-Algebra Teacher**," Percy began.

"How did you manage that Perce?"

"Maybe if you shut up Nico you would find out."

"You don't have to be so mean about it." Nico pouted.

**"Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood."**

"Really Percy I thought you absolutely loved being almost killed everyday," Thalia remarked

_Everyday? _Poseidon thought

"**If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is:"**

"EVERYBOD HIDE PERCY IS GIVING OUT ADVICE AGIAN" Nico yelled and hid behind the couch.

"Is my advice really that bad?" Percy asked.

"..."

Zeus motioned for him to continue.

"**close this book right now. Believe what ever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life."**

"It won't work," Athena said.

"**Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways."**

The gods looked every where but at the children.

"**If you're a normal kid, reading this"**

"Why would a mortal be reading this?" Ares asked

"If I stopped getting interrupted I'm sure you would know by now."

"**because you think it's fiction,"**

"Oh"

"**great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened. But if you recognize yourself in these pages—if you feel something stirring inside—stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before **_**they **_**sense it too, and they'll come for you.**

"Who?" asked Apollo.

"The monsters you idiot." Artemis answered

"If you say so sis." Apollo replied

"Don't call me sis," was the reply

**Don't say I didn't warn you.**

"But you didn't Percy," Connor said.

**My name is Percy Jackson.**

"No its not it is Peter Johnson," Travis said

"I thought it was Pierre" Connor stated

"No it is Kelp Head." Thalia interjected.

"Liars its Aqua Man" Nico argued

The gods watched in silence thinking that it is better than Hephaestus TV

"Everybody is wrong!"

"Thank you,Annabeth" Percy smiled.

"Its Seaweed Brain." Annabeth smirked. Percy pouted.

_Why does my daughter have a nickname for that sea spawn_ Athena thought.

"Now keep reading Percy." Annabeth ordered

Connor whispered to Travis in a whisper, " Whipped."

"**I'm twelve years old. Until a **_**few **_**months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.**

**Am I a troubled kid?**

"Yes!" Every one who knew Percy yelled.

_Why are they all so mean to him _Poseidon thought.

**Yeah. You could say that.**

"He doesn't even try to deny it." Hermes laughed.

**I could start at any point in my short miserable life to prove it, but things really started going bad last May,**

"What happened last May?" Apollo asked.

"Well Lord Apollo if you would let me read then we could find."

**when our sixth-grade class took a field trip to Manhattan— twenty-eight mental-case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus, heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.**

"It sounds like torture." The gods and male demigods said.

"Boys," Artemis and Thalia said.

**I know—it sounds like torture.**

Annabeth punched him

**Most Yancy field trips were. But Mr. Brunner, our Latin teacher, was leading this trip, so I had hopes. Mr. Brunner was this middle-aged guy in a motorized wheelchair. He had thinning hair and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket, which always smelled like coffee.**

"He sounds like Chiron" Athena stated. The rest of the Olympians agreed.

**You wouldn't think he'd be cool, but he told stories and jokes and let us play games in class. He also had this awesome collection of Roman armor and weapons, so he was the only teacher whose class didn't put me to sleep.**

"You sleep during school!" Athena demanded.

"..."

"Read Percy" Zeus said.

**I hoped the trip would be okay. At least, I hoped that for once I wouldn't get in trouble. Boy, was I wrong. See, bad things happen to me on field trips. Like at my fifth-grade school, when we went to the Saratoga battlefield, I had this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon. I wasn't aiming for the school bus, but of course I got expelled anyway. **

Hermes along with the Stolls, Nico, and Apollo fell out of their seats/thrones laughing.

"What were you aiming for?" Nico asked once everyone stopped laughing

"Not important Nico" Percy said and continued to read

**And before that, at my fourth-grade school, when we took a behind-the-scenes tour of the Marine World shark pool, I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and our class took an unplanned swim. And the time before that... Well, you get the idea.**

Once everyone stopped laughing they asked for another story. It went like this: At my third-grade school, when we went to the Fire House, I accidentally pulled the fire alarms and the sprinklers came on and soaked everything including the Principal who was subbing for my teacher that day. Needless to say I wasn't invited back the next year.

It took five minutes for all of the gods to stop laughing. Then another three for the demigods.

**This trip, I was determined to be good. All the way into the city, I put up with Nancy Bobofit, the freckly, redheaded kleptomaniac girl, **

"She needs a makeover."

**hitting my best friend Grover in the back of the head with chunks of peanut butter-and-ketchup sandwich.**

"Ewww!" all the goddesses said. The boys didn't look to good either.

**Grover was an easy target. He was scrawny.**

"Hey!"Grover yelled

**He cried when he got frustrated.**

At this Grover blushed.

**He must've been held back several grades, because he was the only sixth grader with acne and the start of a wispy beard on his chin. **

"I was 28." he bleated

**On top of all that, he was crippled.**

**He had a note excusing him from PE for the rest of his life because he had some kind of muscular disease in his legs. He walked funny, like every step hurt him, but don't let that fool you. You should've seen him run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria.**

You're blowing your cover," almost everyone yelled at him.

**Anyway, Nancy Bobofit was throwing wads of sandwich that stuck in his curly brown hair, and she knew I couldn't do anything back to her because I was already on probation. The headmaster had threatened me with death by in-school suspension if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly entertaining happened on this trip.**

"Mildly entertaining?" Apollo asked.

"I told you it was torture." Percy said. Annabeth punched him again.

**"I'm going to kill her," I mumbled.**

"Yes then we can finally get some action!" Ares yelled

**Grover tried to calm me down. "It's okay. I like peanut butter." He dodged another piece of Nancy's lunch. "That's it." I started to get up, but Grover pulled me back to my seat.**

**"You're already on probation," he reminded me. "You know who'll get blamed if anything happens."**

"Yeah, me. I always get blamed."Percy said. Poseidon looked worried

**Looking back on it, I wish I'd decked Nancy Bobofit right then and there.**

"I do too" Ares said

**In-school suspension would've been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.**

"What mess?" Apollo asked, but everyone ignored him.

**Mr. Brunner led the museum tour.**

**He rode up front in his wheelchair, guiding us through the big echoey galleries, past marble statues and glass cases full of really old black-and-orange pottery.**

**It blew my mind that this stuff had survived for two thousand, three thousand years.**

"Longer Seaweed Brain."

**He gathered us around a thirteen-foot-tall stone column with a big sphinx on the top, and started telling us how it was a grave marker, a **_**stele,**_**for a girl about our age. He told us about the carvings on the sides. I was trying to listen to what he had to say, because it was kind of interesting, but everybody around me was talking, and every time I told them to shut up, the other teacher chaperone, Mrs. Dodds, would give me the evil eye.**

"Monster" Artemis muttered.

**Mrs. Dodds was this little math teacher from Georgia who always wore a black leather jacket, even though she was fifty years old. She looked mean enough to ride a Harley right into your locker.**

"My kind of teacher," Ares said with a grin.

**She had come to Yancy halfway through the year, when our last math teacher had a nervous breakdown.**

**From her first day, Mrs. Dodds loved Nancy Bobofit and figured I was devil spawn.**

"Nope," Thalia said," that's Nico."

**She would point her crooked finger at me and say, "Now, honey," real sweet, and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month.**

**One time, after she'd made me erase answers out of old math workbooks until midnight, I told Grover I didn't think Mrs. Dodds was human. He looked at me, real serious, and said, "You're absolutely right."**

"Your blowing your cover G-man," Percy said.

**Mr. Brunner kept talking about Greek funeral art.**

**Finally, Nancy Bobofit snickered something about the naked guy on the stele, and I turned around and said, "Will you **_**shut up**_**?"**

**It came out louder than I meant it to.**

"Of course it did." Nico said.

**The whole group laughed. Mr. Brunner stopped his story.**

**"Mr. Jackson," he said, "did you have a comment?"**

**My face was totally red. I said, "No, sir."**

**Mr. Brunner pointed to one of the pictures on the stele. "Perhaps you'll tell us what this picture represents?**

**I looked at the carving, and felt a flush of relief, because I actually recognized it. "That's Kronos eating his kids, right?"**

"That was not fun." Hestia said. The Poseidon, Hades, Hera, and Demeter nodded in agreement, but Zeus just smirked.

**"Yes," Mr. Brunner said, obviously not satisfied. "And he **_**did **_**this because ..."**

**"Well..." I racked my brain to remember. "Kronos was the king god,"**

"GOD! GOD YOU IGNORANT LITTLE BOY! I WILL BLAST YO-"

"Father I am sure Chiron will correct him." Athena interupted.

**and—"**

**"god?" Mr. Brunner asked.**

"See."

**"Titan," I corrected myself. "And ... he didn't trust his kids, who were the gods. So, um, Kronos ate them, right? But his wife hid baby Zeus, and gave Kronos a rock to eat instead.**

**And later, when Zeus grew up, he tricked his dad, Kronos, into barfing up his brothers and sisters—"**

"Eeew!" the goddesses chorused

**"Eeew!" said one of the girls behind me.**.

**"—and so there was this big fight between the gods and the Titans," I continued, "and the gods won."**

**Some snickers from the group.**

**Behind me, Nancy Bobofit mumbled to a friend, "Like we're going to use this in real life. Like it's going to say on our job applications, 'Please explain why Kronos ate his kids.'"**

**"And why, Mr. Jackson," Brunner said, "to paraphrase Miss Bobofit's excellent question, does this matter in real life?"**

"Busted," Grover said.

**"Busted," Grover muttered.**

"Haven't chanced much have you, Goat Boy," Thalia chuckled.

**"Shut up," Nancy hissed, her face even brighter red than her hair.**

**At least Nancy got packed, too. Mr. Brunner was the only one who ever caught her saying anything wrong. He had radar ears.**

**I thought about his question, and shrugged. "I don't know, sir."**

"Do you know the answer now, boy?" Hephaestus asked.

"No because Annabeth will just tell me." he replied

**"I see." Mr. Brunner looked disappointed. "Well, half credit, Mr. Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine,**

"Where did you come up with that?" Percy asked. Zeus just shrugged.

**which made him disgorge his other five children, who, of course, being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan's stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe,**

"That was fun," Zeus said with a smile.

**and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld. On that happy note, it's time for lunch. Mrs. Dodds, would you lead us back outside?"**

**The class drifted off, the girls holding their stomachs, the guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses.**

"Boys are doofuses," Artemis said. The boys except for Percy just glared at her.

**Grover and I were about to follow when Mr. Brunner said, "Mr. Jackson."**

**I knew that was coming.**

**I told Grover to keep going. Then I turned toward Mr. Brunner. "Sir?"**

**Mr. Brunner had this look that wouldn't let you go— intense brown eyes that could've been a thousand years old and had seen everything.**

"Older," Hera said

**"You must learn the answer to my question," Mr. Brunner told me.**

"About the Titans?" Nico asked

**"About the Titans?"**

"NOOOOOOOO! I caught Percyisis." Nico yelled.

"Its okay. We are here for you." The Stolls said as they fake sobbed.

**"About real life. And how your studies apply to it."**

**"Oh."**

**"What you learn from me," he said, "is vitally important. I expect you to treat it as such. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson."**

"I think he got it." Grover commented so only the demigods could hear.

**I wanted to get angry, this guy pushed me so hard.**

"He pushes every one hard," Dionysus said.

**I mean, sure, it was kind of cool on tournament days, when he dressed up in a suit of Roman armor and shouted: "What ho!'" and challenged us, sword-point against chalk, to run to the board and name every Greek and Roman person who had ever **_**lived,**_**and their mother, and what god they worshiped.**

"Not even I could do that," Zeus said.

**But Mr. Brunner expected me to be as good as everybody else, despite the fact that I have dyslexia and attention deficit disorder and I had never made above a C— in my life. No—he didn't expect me to be **_**as good;**_**he expected me to be **_**better. **_**And I just couldn't learn all those names and facts, much less spell them correctly.**

**I mumbled something about trying harder, while Mr. Brunner took one long sad look at the stele, like he'd been at this girl's funeral.**

"He was. She was a daughter of mine a great hero." Athena sadly said.

**He told me to go outside and eat my lunch.**

**The class gathered on the front steps of the museum, where we could watch the foot traffic along Fifth Avenue.**

**Overhead, a huge storm was brewing, with clouds blacker than I'd ever seen over the city.**

_Why am I mad _Zeus thought as everyone but Percy, Grover, and Annabeth stared at him.

**I figured maybe it was global warming or something, because the weather all across New York State had been weird since Christmas.**

"Why am I mad?" he asked out loud this time.

"You will find out soon." Percy said.

**We'd had massive snow storms, flooding, wildfires from lightning strikes. I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a hurricane blowing in.**

"Seriously why am I mad?" Zeus asked as everyone just stared at him. Annabeth and Grover exchanged glance, and looked at Percy waiting for his lead. Percy just smirked.

**Nobody else seemed to notice. Some of the guys were pelting pigeons with Lunchables crackers.**

Those poor, poor pigeons." The goddesses cooed.

**Nancy Bobofit was trying to pickpocket something from a lady's purse, and, of course, Mrs. Dodds wasn't seeing a thing.**

"Of course," Hades said.

**Grover and I sat on the edge of the fountain, away from the others. We thought that maybe if we did that, everybody wouldn't know we were from **_**that **_**school—the school for loser freaks who couldn't make it elsewhere.**

"Did it work?" Rachel asked

"No," Percy anwsered

**"Detention?" Grover asked.**

**"Nah," I said. "Not from Brunner. I just wish he'd lay off me sometimes. I mean—I'm not a genius."**

"Obviously," Athena scoffed.

**Grover didn't say anything for a while. Then, when I thought he was going to give me some deep philosophical comment to make me feel better, he said, "Can I have your apple?"**

"Sorry," Grover apologized so only Percy could hear him.

"No problem G-man."

**I didn't have much of an appetite,**

Travis, Connor Nico, Apollo, and Hermes loudly, fake gasped.

**so I let him take it.**

"Oh well it was just an apple." the five said together.

**I watched the stream of cabs going down Fifth Avenue, and thought about my mom's apartment, only a little ways uptown from where we sat. I hadn't seen her since Christmas. I wanted so bad to jump in a taxi and head home.**

"Wimp," Ares muttered.

**She'd hug me and be glad to see me, but she'd be disappointed, too. She'd send me right back to Yancy, remind me that I had to try harder, even if this was my sixth school in six years and I was probably going to be kicked out again. I wouldn't be able to stand that sad look she'd give me.**

"Momma's boy," Clarisse muttered.

**Mr. Brunner parked his wheelchair at the base of the handicapped ramp. He ate celery while he read a paperback novel. A red umbrella stuck up from the back of his chair, making it look like a motorized cafe table.**

At this Hephaestus summoned the parts and started to build his own motorized table with an automaton to serve the refreshments.

**I was about to unwrap my sandwich when Nancy Bobofit appeared in front of me with her ugly friends—I guess she'd gotten tired of stealing from the tourists—and dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover's lap.**

"Eeeew!" the goddesses squeeled

**"Oops." She grinned at me with her crooked teeth. Her freckles were orange, as if somebody had spray-painted her face with liquid Cheetos.**

"You have the weirdest descriptions." Nico comented.

**I tried to stay cool. The school counselor had told me a million times, "Count to ten, get control of your temper." But I was so mad my mind went blank. A wave roared in my ears.**

Only Athena noticed noticed the _wave _part, and then she started comparing the two men. _Hmmm. They both have black hair, sea green eyes, and tans. Although Poseidon's is nicer. Not that I would ever let him know that. But why would my daughter have a nickname for a sea spawn.. Please tell me I am wrong. Why is Aphrodite staring at me funny?_

**I don't remember touching her, but the next thing I knew, Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain, screaming, "Percy pushed me!"**

**Mrs. Dodds materialized next to us.**

**Some of the kids were whispering: "Did you see—"**

**"—the water—"**

**"—like it grabbed her—"**

"POSEIDON YOU BROKE THE OATH!" Zeus roared while standing up with his lightning bolt.

"WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T BREAK THE STUPID OATH" Hades protested and rose with black fire flickering around his hands.

"YOU ALSO BROKE THE OATH, BROTHER!" Poseidon yelled while preparing to fight.

Suddenly Zeus was struck with lightning, Poseidon was hit with salt water, and Hades was smacked in the forehead with a bone. All the people in the room turned to face three angry demigods. The three children faced each other and purposely started doing a very bad imitation of their fathers.

"Poseidon you broke the oath!" Thalia whined ,sounding like a five year old, and holding up a Twizzler that the Stolls had found in the kitchen when they snuck in there when everyone was reading.

"Why am I the only one who didn't break the stupid oath!" Nico mimicked while holding two handfuls of Cheetos and stomping his foot like a girl throwing a fit.

"You also broke the oath, brother!" Percy said in a childish voice, and then he raised a Trident that was about eight inches long, and made out of water from a bottle the Stolls brought back. Then Percy, nico, and Thalia turned, bowed to the gods and then ate/drank their snacks/water. Then Percy said "Now you realize how silly you look." then he started to read before the gods could blast them.

**I didn't know what they were talking about. All I knew was that I was in trouble again.**

The gods started to slowly go back to their seats.

**As soon as Mrs. Dodds was sure poor little Nancy was okay, promising to get her a new shirt at the museum gift shop, etc., etc.**

The gods are back in their seats looking confused.

**, Mrs. Dodds turned on me. There was a triumphant fire in her eyes, as if I'd done something she'd been waiting for all semester. "Now, honey—"**

**"I know," I grumbled. "A month erasing workbooks."**

"NO PERCY, HOW COULD YOU!"

"What did I do Lord Hermes?" Percy asked

"You broke rule number 9. I am so disappointed."

"You have a list of rules?"

"A book actually" Connor said.

**That wasn't the right thing to say.**

"It never is." Travis said sadly.

**"Come with me," Mrs. Dodds said.**

**"Wait!" Grover yelped. "It was me. **_**I **_**pushed her."**

**I stared at him, stunned. I couldn't believe he was trying to cover for me. Mrs. Dodds scared Grover to death.**

"I wounder why." Percy muttered.

**She glared at him so hard his whiskery chin trembled.**

**"I don't think so, Mr. Underwood," she said.**

**"But—"**

**"You—**_**will**_—**stay—here."**

**Grover looked at me desperately.**

**"It's okay, man," I told him. "Thanks for trying."**

**"Honey," Mrs. Dodds barked at me. "**_**Now**_**."**

**Nancy Bobofit smirked.**

**I gave her my deluxe I'll-kill-you-later stare.**

"I bet she was real scared." Ares commented.**(note the sarcasm) **

"Trust me it is scary," Connor and Travis shuddered.

"Okay then lets see it." Ares taunted.

"Fine."Percy said and gave him the stare **(which will we referred to as THE look)**. It terrified everyone, and he didn't even look at them. Ares peed himself then flashed out, but not before everyone noticed. Percy just laughed and continued reading.

**Then I turned to face Mrs. Dodds, but she wasn't there. She was standing at the museum entrance, way at the top of the steps, gesturing impatiently at me to come on.**

**How'd she get there so fast?**

"Monster." came the reply from everybody except Ares who had flashed back in.

**I have moments like that a lot, when my brain falls asleep or something, and the next thing I know I've missed something, as if a puzzle piece fell out of the universe and left me staring at the blank place behind it. The school counselor told me this was part of the ADHD, my brain misinterpreting things.**

"That's not part of the ADHD, son" Poseidon said sadly.

**I wasn't so sure.**

**I went after Mrs. Dodds.**

**Halfway up the steps, I glanced back at Grover. He was looking pale, cutting his eyes between me and Mr. Brunner, like he wanted Mr. Brunner to notice what was going on, but Mr. Brunner was absorbed in his novel.**

"So my son is going to get killed because he wants to find out what happens next!"

**I looked back up. Mrs. Dodds had disappeared again. She was now inside the building, at the end of the entrance hall.**

**Okay, I thought. She's going to make me buy a new shirt for Nancy at the gift shop.**

"Nope. That was not what she wanted." Percy said

**But apparently that wasn't the plan.**

**I followed her deeper into the museum. When I finally caught up to her, we were back in the Greek and Roman section.**

**Except for us, the gallery was empty.**

"Good," Hades mumbled, "no witnesses." Luckily no one heard him.

**Mrs. Dodds stood with her arms crossed in front of a big marble frieze of the Greek gods. She was making this weird noise in her throat, like growling.**

**Even without the noise, I would've been nervous. It's weird being alone with a teacher, especially Mrs. Dodds. Something about the way she looked at the frieze, as if she wanted to pulverize it...**

"She probably did." Athena said.

**"You've been giving us problems, honey," she said.**

**I did the safe thing. I said, "Yes, ma'am."**

"Since when does Percy Jackson use manners?" Nico asked.

"Since my mother told me to." he retorted.

**She tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket. "Did you really think you would get away with it?"**

**The look in her eyes was beyond mad. It was evil.**

**She's a teacher, I thought nervously. It's not like she's going to hurt me.**

"Yes she is punk." Ares whispered. Percy herd him, and gave him THE look. Ares whimpered

**I said, "I'll—I'll try harder, ma'am."**

**Thunder shook the building.**

**"We are not fools, Percy Jackson," Mrs. Dodds said. "It was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain."**

**I didn't know what she was talking about.**

**All I could think of was that the teachers must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room.**

"We should do that at camp!"Travis and Connor said at the same time.

**Or maybe they'd realized I got my essay on **_**Tom Sawyer **_**from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.**

"That is actually a good book." Zeus said. Everyone stared at him like he was crazy. "What?" He asked, "I don't spend all my time disintegrating people."

**"Well?" she demanded.**

**"Ma'am, I don't..."**

"Good Percy. Rule number four: Never Confess." Hermes said.

**"Your time is up," she hissed.**

"Oh no," Poseidon groaned.

**Then the weirdest thing happened. Her eyes began to glow like barbecue coals. Her fingers stretched, turning into talons. Her jacket melted into large, leathery wings. She wasn't human. She was a shriveled hag with bat wings and claws and a mouth full of yellow fangs, and she was about to slice me to ribbons.**

"YOU SENT A FURY AFTER MY SON!" Poseidon yelled and was about to blast Hades with his trident when Percy stepped in the way.

"Dad sit down. I'm okay. I'm right here." Percy soothed. When he sat down Percy sat in his lap and said "Annabeth, please pass the book. Thank you. Now dad I am going to sit right here until I trust you not to attack anyone. Understood?"

"Understood."Poseidon grumbled.

"That rule goes for everybody. Except it will be your kid not me because that would just be awkward." Percy said a little louder. He then leaned back on his father's chest and continued to read.

**Then things got even stranger. **

"How do things get stranger?" Demeter asks.

**Mr. Brunner, who'd been out in front of the museum a minute before, wheeled his chair into the doorway of the gallery, holding a pen in his hand.**

**"What ho, Percy!" he shouted, and tossed the pen through the air.**

**Mrs. Dodds lunged at me.**

**With a yelp, I dodged and felt talons slash the air next to my ear. I snatched the ballpoint pen out of the air, but when it hit my hand, it wasn't a pen anymore. It was a sword—Mr. Brunner's bronze sword, which he always used on tournament day.**

**Mrs. Dodds spun toward me with a murderous look in her eyes.**

**My knees were jelly. My hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped the sword.**

"Wimp," Ares says.

"Yeah. A wimp that kicks your butt."Percy mumbled under his breath.

"What was that son?" Poseidon asked.

"Nothing important."

**She snarled, "Die, honey!"**

"She can drop the act now!" Nico yelled

**And she flew straight at me.**

**Absolute terror ran through my body. I did the only thing that came naturally: I swung the sword.**

Poseidon chuckled. _My son is a natural _he thought.

**The metal blade hit her shoulder and passed clean through her body as if she were made of water. **_**Hisss!**_

"Reference to the sea." Artemis said.

**Mrs. Dodds was a sand castle in a power fan. **

"Reference to the beach" Athena said

"I want to go to the beach!" Poseidon and Percy yelled.

Percy turned around and asked "Can we go to the beach dad? Please PLEASE **PLEASE**!"

"Of course, but not right now. Apparently we have to _read_." Poseidon said sadly.

**She exploded into yellow powder, vaporized on the spot, leaving nothing but the smell of sulfur and a dying screech and a chill of evil in the air, as if those two glowing red eyes were still watching me.**

"Alecto is sort of stalkerish." Nico commented.

**I was alone.**

**There was a ballpoint pen in my hand.**

**Mr. Brunner wasn't there. Nobody was there but me.**

**My hands were still trembling. My lunch must've been contaminated with magic mushrooms or something.**

"Magic mushrooms? I love your kid Uncle P."

"Thank you Hermes. I do too." Poseidon said with a smile. Percy smiled back and got more comfortable in Poseidon's lap.

**Had I imagined the whole thing?**

"Yes Percy. You did because there were magic mushrooms in your lunch." Apollo said very seriously.

**I went back outside.**

**It had started to rain.**

**Grover was sitting by the fountain, a museum map tented over his head. Nancy Bobofit was still standing there, soaked from her swim in the fountain, grumbling to her ugly friends. When she saw me, she said, "I hope Mrs. Kerr whipped your butt."**

"Who?" Nico asked

**I said, "Who?"**

"NOOOOOOO!" Nico fake sobbed, "My Percyosis is getting worse!"

The twins ran up to Apollo. "Please Lord Apollo you must help him." They begged.

Apollo sighed " I will see what I can do," He said and left the throne room with Nico, and the twins started pacing. A few minutes later they came back and Apollo said sadly," I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for him. His Percyosis is just to advanced. I'm sorry." Apollo motioned to Percy to continue reading as they returned to their seats.

**"Our **_**teacher.**_ **Duh!"**

**I blinked. We had no teacher named Mrs. Kerr. I asked Nancy what she was talking about.**

**She just rolled her eyes and turned away.**

**I asked Grover where Mrs. Dodds was.**

**He said, "Who?"**

**But he paused first,**

"Grover you broke rule number six." Hermes groaned.

**and he wouldn't look at me,**

"Not rule eleven too." Hermes whined "Travis and Connor teach Grover to lie when you get back."

"Grover meet us at the Hermes cabin at 3:15 on the 15th."

**so I thought he was messing with me.**

**"Not funny, man," I told him. "This is serious."**

**Thunder boomed overhead.**

**I saw Mr. Brunner sitting under his red umbrella, reading his book, as if he'd never moved.**

**I went over to him.**

**He looked up, a little distracted. "Ah, that would be my pen. Please bring your own writing utensil in the future, Mr. Jackson."**

"At least Chiron follows my rules." Hermes said

"Which rule did he follow?" Katie asked.

"Rule number thirteen," Travis replied.

**I handed Mr. Brunner his pen. I hadn't even realized I was still holding it.**

**"Sir," I said, "where's Mrs. Dodds?"**

**He stared at me blankly. "Who?"**

"Good Chiron you followed rule number twelve" Connor said

**"The other chaperone. Mrs. Dodds. The pre-algebra teacher."**

**He frowned and sat forward, looking mildly concerned. "Percy, there is no Mrs. Dodds on this trip. As far as I know, there has never been a Mrs. Dodds at Yancy Academy. Are you feeling all right?"**

"Wonderful! He even followed rule number five."Hermes exclaimed.

"What is rule number five Hermes?" Poseidon asked

"When you lie, if possible, make them think they are going crazy."

"..."

"Who is reading next?" Percy asked


End file.
